


Emotionless

by PastelWolf88



Series: Emotionless [1]
Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mystery, Supernatural Elements, Thriller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-10-22 06:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10692006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelWolf88/pseuds/PastelWolf88
Summary: "One of the main things in being a human are feelings. Emotions." But Luhan hardly felt anything anymore. He didn't feel sad, not happy, he didn't even feel empty. Not even fear could make him shiver.





	1. Chapter 1

_Everything is going to be fine_ , was what Luhan's mind had told him millions of times. Although he never really felt like it, cause everything had stopped.  


He had said yes by his own will but he had no idea it would become like this. He didn't want to take another breath in.

Luhan didn't know if he was actually doing great or was he just trying to be like a human he once was. Everything inside his head was... different from the past.

He didn't even remember how sadness or happiness felt like.

Morning shower. After that he would have to run to the lab. But it's okay, he wasn't stressed, not scared. Everything was just... nothing. It was just like another day, he would go to the lab, the scientists were happy about something but also sad about a lack of something. They said that there was a change in Luhan, something that they didn't know how to fix. Luhan was broken, but he didn't even feel it.

That was Luhan's problem. He didn't feel.

Due to his new very poor social skills, he had lost all his friends. No one came to him. He didn't even need those people. They thought he was an autistic person, he couldn't consider other people's feelings. He just kept to himself.

And that was a big problem. One of the main things in being a human are feelings. Emotions.

Maybe he loved his boyfriend, he was not sure. But as he walked to the living room, rubbed his eyes and yawned for a good while, a picture of his boyfriend smiling on top of the fireplace popped into his sight. When Luhan agreed to the tests, he got a lot of money from the scientists and bought a big house for himself. They promised him everything they could give him.

...If they got to play with his life.

Everyone needs a job, right?

He took the picture in his hands and touched the glass on it. Sehun was smiling widely. He looked genuinely happy. His white eyes weren't looking at the camera. He didn't know where the camera was. Luhan never thought any less of Sehun because of his blindness in the six years they had been together.

And this picture was two years old. That was a bit after when Luhan started to lose his emotions.

He didn't remember how loving Sehun felt like. He didn't remember the butterflies in his stomach when kissing him. He didn't remember the fond feeling of intimacy when they made love. What he now remembered was Sehun's tears. He cried a lot more than he used to. He didn't smile as often. The poor man tried to hide his emotions under a blank face.

Luhan still felt something – want, hunger, pain, tiredness, and interest in some hobbies, but even so football wasn't that interesting to him anymore.

He went to the shower, washed himself quickly, took a sandwich to go, threw his jacket on himself and walked outside the house into the pouring rain. He didn't mind getting wet.

Fortunately, the lab wasn't too far away from his detached house. Luhan could walk there, but he preferred cycling. It was an excuse to exercise and not waste nature by using his car.

The lab was in a big building. Luhan felt dizzy there, he had acrophobia. Although, he didn't exactly fear heights anymore. He just felt dizzy.

He walked to the elevator, smiled to some of the scientists on the way there, just because he was used to it. He didn't know any social norms anymore but felt like smiling needed to be done always.

The place was white from everywhere. Luhan liked the color white, it was his favorite because it was the color of Sehun's eyes. He thought they were beautiful. That's one thing he could still feel and know – he thought Sehun was beautiful.

He went to the second highest room in the building that had five floors. Fortunately, it wasn't all just a maze. He had a clear path to _his_ room in the end of the hallway in the fourth floor.

He opened the door to the room and smiled to the scientists, again, because he was used to it. There was a female and a male scientist, ones that Luhan didn't even know on a personal level. He had been working with them for five years yet he didn't know their names. He had his own nicknames for them – simply Woman and Man.

They always stayed in another room with all kinds of things in there. Luhan didn't know what were all the buttons for, but he did know that some of them hurt him.

He sat on a chair in front of a table before the window, to see the two scientists in the other room behind it. Woman pressed some button before the door opened and she walked right before Luhan. She put some things in front of him – a paper and a pen as well as a rubber and a book. Then, she went back to the room and kept an eye on Luhan.

He always knew what to do. He read their thoughts, then he knew what to do with the things in front of him. Now the Man wanted him to read the book while the Woman wanted him to write about how his morning went.

He read the book. Or, more like, flipped the pages. He didn't much care what was inside it.

After that, the Man came to take all the things away from him and placed a picture of Sehun on the table. Luhan stared at it silently as the Man put electrodes on his head. The Woman was looking at something in the computer very intently. The Man went back to the room and closed the door.

They looked at him and the computer alternatively. Luhan stared at the picture.

"Luhan", the Woman said his name but the said person didn't even glance at her. "Tell us... what's his name?"

"Sehun", he answered immediately.

"What's he like?" This question obviously confused Luhan, you could see him furrowing his eyebrows.

"...Blind...? He has black hair and white eyes. He's tall and skinny."

"What do you feel for him?"

What did he feel for him? He didn't know, honestly. Maybe he felt love. That's what he wanted to think.

"Love?"

"How does love feel like?"

"...I want to be near him."

"Let's say, someone approached Sehun and was going to hurt him. What would you do?"

Luhan thought about this for a moment. He tried to recall the things that Sehun had taught him.

"Do you think he's weak?"

"He is weak. I should protect him."

"Do you protect him?"

"Yes."

That's what Sehun had taught him. This is what he was supposed to say. But the Man and the Woman weren't pleased enough with his answers.

The Man walked into the room and replaced Sehun's picture with a picture of a woman. Luhan stared at it for a good while before realizing that this person looks familiar.

"What about this person? Who is she?"

Luhan looked at it for quite a while, silent. He wasn't sure about his answer.

"...Mama...?" was his reply, with an unsure voice.

"Yes, Luhan, that is your mother. When did you last visit her?"

To that question, they did not get an answer to.

"...You visited your parents two weeks ago."

He tried to recall the happening. He did remember a big house and his father yelling at him for something. His mother cried. She begged him to stop.

"...Stop that... What has gotten into you, Luhan? Why are you acting like that?" he repeated the words his mother had said to him. Now the scientists glanced at each other. "You talk like a robot. What are you? An empty core? Where is my son? What happened to my sweet little boy who loved soccer and Sehun the most in the whole wide world? What happened to your feelings? Are you and Sehun still together? How can he even still be with you? How could he even pretend to still love you? It's like talking to a wall. Please stop. Stop."

"Evelyn, this is not good", he heard the Man say to the Woman. "He just got worse after the last treatment, we need different methods before he forgets that he's a human."

"He has already forgot that he's a human. We need to do something about this before he turns into that monster. He's not a robot."

"Maybe he would just need some more human contact? Let's call Sehun and tell him to do it with him."

"We can't force Sehun to have sex with him."

"We have to, Evelyn. Let's cease the treatment for a while and let Sehun do the job, okay?" the Man assured her and she sighed in defeat. Every time Luhan heard Sehun's name, it sting in his ears a little bit.

The Woman leaned towards Luhan when she came into the same room with him and tried to look at him in the eyes.

"...How are you feeling, Luhan?"

He shrugged, "A bit tired. And a bit hungry."

"How does it sound to spend the night at Sehun's place?"

"Okay."

"...Just okay?"

"I want to see him."

She shook her head and frowned, because she didn't know if Luhan told her the truth or what he knew about love. If there is something that Luhan knows, it's something that Sehun has taught him.

***

Sehun sat on the couch and tried smiling. Luhan stared at him when he was at it. He didn't even look at Luhan, he didn't know where his eyes were located. He tried smiling when his eyes looked sad and his head was down. Overall it was very sad to watch, but Luhan didn't recognize his feelings.

Sehun had a small nice apartment in a row house. In the place he lived in, also lived some other blind people, old people and disabled people, people who couldn't work or needed some special things in their house. One of the reasons Sehun couldn't do all the work was his blindness - people wouldn't hire him - but the main thing was depression. He cried more than he had ever in his life. He was born blind, so he didn't care that he didn't see. For that, his hearing became a lot better and he loved playing the piano to soothe his depression that was actually caused by none other than his boyfriend and the fact that he was treated differently. It wasn't the misery that brought him down. It was the lack of happiness.

And his dog, a big German Shepherd, was keeping an eye on Luhan's every move. It had troubled Luhan sometimes, especially when the dog would have wanted to be in the same room with her owner even when they were in the bedroom. It had troubled him a lot, but now he didn't care if the dog was there. Sehun never noticed her coming in.

His piano was in the corner of the room. Luhan didn't know how to play it, but he had loved to listen Sehun playing it. Now he wanted only to stare at Sehun.

"...How are you?" Sehun asked from his boyfriend who kept staring at him. He still thought that Sehun was pretty, even if he didn't really feel anything. Maybe there was a bond. Something inexplicable.

"...I'm fine."

Sehun smiled and took some cards on the sofa table. He traced his hand over the dots on the card to read what kind of card it was. Luhan paid attention to what he was doing, and the other one showed him a card with a crying face. There was a text saying _sadness_.

"What is this feeling?" he asked and tried to look at Luhan. It had made Luhan smile whenever he tried to do that or give him a kiss and the kiss actually landing on his chin rather than his lips.

"Sadness."

"How does sadness work?"

Luhan was silent for a while. He looked at the crying face and tried, he really tried to understand what it meant.

"...Crying."

"...Yes, when you're sad, you can cry", Sehun explained when placing the card back on the table. His smile dropped suddenly. "...Luhan... Have you cried lately? A little bit?"

"No. Not really."

"...What do you do when a person is sad and crying?"

"...Comfort them...?"

"Yes, exactly. Then what is this comforting?"

"...Hug?"

"...Yes, a hug is fine, you're right." Sehun traced his fingers on another card and read it. Luhan paid more attention to his lips that weren't upwards anymore. It didn't look as beautiful.

Sehun pointed at a card that had a smiling face on it.

"What is this feeling?"

"Happiness."

"What is happiness?"

The question that bothers a lot of people. They don't know if happiness is a lot of friends, family, fortune, or what is it. People tend to have more answers why life is crap. But Luhan's reply however, was simple.

"Smile?"

"Yes, when you're happy, you smile."

"Were you happy, Sehun?" Luhan asked with such a cold voice that it bothered Sehun. His eyes started to water again. "You smiled just a while ago."

"...I was happy", he replied with a small voice. "I was happy..."

He couldn't keep in the tears, so he turned away from Luhan. His dog came next to him immediately to rub her head against his leg to make him feel better.

Luhan stared at him. He heard him crying, he saw the tears falling.

"...You're crying", Luhan stated. His voice was always so monotone. "You're sad."

"Yes, Luhan, I am sad", Sehun's voice quivered when he turned around slowly to show how the tears were dripping from his face to his lap. Luhan blinked a few times. "I have been sad for the last eight months that you have been nothing but an emotionless empty core. You're not a robot, Luhan. You're human."

Luhan didn't quite understand what was he doing wrong. He looked at his boyfriend crying for a while before wrapping his arms around him and trapping him into a tight hug.

Sehun let his head fall against Luhan's chest and he sobbed there loudly. The older pat his back and hugged him a bit tighter, just because he thought the tightness of the hug meant more comfort. And in a way, it did. Sehun wanted romance, he wanted a partner to love, not a robot to teach how to love.

He didn't know what he had gotten himself into when accepting the scientists' offers. He didn't know that he would get himself an athletic, strong, sweet and a loving man who loved him and made him feel safe and whole. All he cared about was the money he would get from the job, but how could he not fall in love with Luhan? He was a fucking perfection who was never rude and treated Sehun with warm touches and a loving nature.

He sobbed against Luhan's chest, "Give me back the old Luhan. Give me back the man who loves me. I know you're there, Luhan, this is not you..."

Luhan sat there, holding Sehun but didn't know what was going on, why was Sehun saying such thing, why was his body trembling so much.

"...When we make love, all you can think of is how good it feels, when I just want to be close with you."

It didn't matter what Luhan said or what he did, it just made Sehun feel worse.

Slowly, he rose his head, or tried to. He leaned against his chest while reaching for the cards, reading each one and throwing them on the floor if they were the wrong ones.

Then, he showed a card to Luhan. There was a heart.

"Wh-what is this feeling?" Sehun's whole body was shivering when he cried in his arms. Luhan read the text and looked at the picture for a while. Sehun was so near the love of his life, yet so far away. Like hidden behind an invisible wall.

"Love."

"Wh-what is love, Luhan?"

"Love is that you want to be with a person you care for."

"You make it sound so plain!" Sehun hit Luhan's chest with his fist and cried in the air, while the other did not pay attention to it at all. He only stared at the other one hitting him.

After a while of cursing, Sehun collapsed in his arms. Luhan felt that the other was shivering, but he thought that he was cold, so he gave him a blanket that was on the arm of the couch.

"Please don't go Luhan, please don't leave me... This isn't you... Don't leave me, I love you..."

Sehun slid down on his lap, now leaning his head against Luhan's stomach. The other kept looking at him.

"D-don't you love me...?"

His eyes were brimming with tears and his whole face was red from all the crying. He had to prepare himself mentally for what was about to come. He slowly took the blanket off of himself, while Luhan only stared at him. No touching, no speaking, no emotions. Just stare.

"Then do you love this?"

He raised his shirt to show his milky white skin that had not been touched in five months. Luhan stared at his body and helped him to take off the shirt. Sehun opened his pants and slid them down his thighs and shins slowly.

"It's unbelievable that you can't feel shit but when I take my clothes off you just want to do me. Are people so madly in love with sex?"

He was desperate for Luhan's touch and his attention. And desperate times need desperate actions. He would have done anything if he got Luhan back. For the meantime he tried to enjoy to be near him, dream about the man that had once loved him and pretend that Luhan still had feelings for him. But he didn't know the whole truth.


	2. Hopeless

Sehun placed his hand on the valve and turned it on. At first the water was cold and he took a step back, gasping at how cold it felt on his skin. His dog raised her head in her owner's direction as she heard the voice. She was always in the same room with Sehun. She kept him safe, even in the bathroom. He always kept the door slightly open so she could come and go whenever she wanted to.

Luhan was still in Sehun's bedroom, just laying on the bed. He was only wearing underwear and sweatpants, shirt tossed somewhere on the floor.

He didn't feel like anything. He didn't even feel like empty. He laid there, emotionless.

Until he heard something from the bathroom. He got up and walked to the room, calmly, only to find his boyfriend sitting in the bathtub and crying while holding his head.

He sat down before the tub. Sehun heard him coming there and sitting right next to him. He rested his head on his arms while leaning on the end of the tub, his body was shivering.

Luhan looked at Sehun from head to toes. He still looked pretty.

His wrists were filled with scars and red wounds. If Luhan still had feelings, he would have showed some compassion to Sehun. At this point Sehun was only happy that he couldn't see Luhan.

Luhan filled the bathtub with warm water and let the younger one bathe. He didn't think Sehun was doing anything, though, so he started to wash him. He poured some soap on a sponge, rubbed it on it and Sehun gasped when it touched his skin. Luhan rubbed the sponge against his skin and Sehun felt a little bit better. There still was hope that Luhan had not become an emotionless robot. Maybe he still felt something. Sehun wanted to have hope. He even smiled a little bit, even if his head hurt because he had fell.

"Luhan", he whispered his name and the other one immediately looked at him in the eyes. Sehun took a hold of Luhan's hand when the other stopped and started to slide it away from the sponge, to his own soft skin. Luhan didn't hold back, but raised his hand on Sehun's chest and soothed his sensitive skin.

Sehun hung his head over the tub and cried. Luhan started to caress his hair gently. At times like these, Sehun still felt that Luhan loved him. Somewhere beneath that cold shell was a warm and sensitive man. But that man just wasn't here now. Or maybe that man was caged. Restricted from doing anything.

And Sehun wondered, what was it that the scientists were doing to his precious Luhan.

***

Sehun took a deep breath as he was standing in the kitchen, phone in his hand. His hand was shivering and he wasn't sure if he wanted to do this or not, but he wanted answers. Outside he heard some cars and someone exited a car, walking to their own apartment and closing the door with a bam.

What had gotten into people? Everything around Sehun made him more unsure and worried, scared and paranoid. Sometimes he felt like someone was in his apartment, but that was just his imagination trying to get him a Luhan.

Just thinking about Luhan brought tears in Sehun's eyes. His hand shivered even more, but he needed to know the truth. Before calling, he pressed his talking watch. It said the time, "2.31 pm."

And so he pressed the call button and brought the phone on his ear immediately. He parted his lips and sat on the chair behind him, his dog immediately coming to comfort him. She could almost read his mind.

The phone beeped seven times, Sehun counted, before it was answered.

 _"Hi, Sehun!"_ her cheerful voice replied, but as she heard Sehun sniffling and crying on the other end of the line, she sounded concerned. _"Sehun, is everything alright? Are you crying?"_

"T-tell me", he started with a shaky and silent voice. He sobbed a bit on the phone. "What are you doing to him?"

Evelyn hardly ever told anything to Sehun, and so would it be like this time too.

_"I'm sorry, but you promised to help us in the research, so you must bear the consequences."_

"I did not know I would have to do something like this", he whispered but tried to sound more confident. He didn't want to be treated like this anymore. "Tell me what happened to him!"

 _"You happened, Sehun"_ , Evelyn replied with a calm voice, but that was obviously just to hide her irritation. She thought Sehun was incapable of almost everything because of his blindness. She didn't know that it was Sehun's depression that kept him on his place, not his blindness. In fact, he could do so many things. _"You're an important part of the research and you must be there with Luhan. He's counting on you."_

"Liar", he hissed. "You're a liar! You're doing something inhuman to him and I know that! This is sick!"

There was nothing but silence for a while. Sehun's dog wanted more petting but she was a bit scared to hear her owner yelling. She pulled a bit back.

 _"...What do you really want, Sehun?"_ Her voice sounded so cold and mean Sehun felt every confidence drain from his body.

"...I-I don't want to be a part of this... I-I really miss the old Luhan... I-it makes me feel sick."

_"...You're one bastard aren't you? You're not even the one doing the job, so stop making a fuss about yourself, okay?"_

"This fuss isn't about me, Evelyn! This is about him! This is about something that you're doing that I don't want to be a part of! I want to quit!"

Again silence. Evelyn could only hear his sobs.

_"...You want him to love you, don't you? You want him to fall back into pieces, be a sensitive human being that he used to be."_

Sehun yelled to the phone, "Yes! I want him back!"

_"...Luhan is here with us right now. You know, we can ask him something if you really want to hear. Would you like to hear it?"_

"...Hear what? His monotone voice? I've heard that many times. Give me a human."

_"I'll give you a human."_

This didn't make Sehun feel any better at all, as he was used to hear that old sentence. He wanted a person to talk to, a person to love. Lately the only people who were having his pathetic cries were his parents and big brother.

But on the other end of the phone, there Evelyn was walking to the room where the Man and Luhan were sitting. Luhan had a paper in front of him as he was sitting at the table again, looking down. The Man was standing right before him.

Evelyn walked next to the table as she kept hearing Sehun begging for her to answer him. She didn't, before looking at Luhan. The one staring down at the paper looked up to see her, only to blink a few times, not understanding anything. He didn't understand anymore. His brain was handled too much with electricity and biochemistry.

"Luhan", she spoke his name and the cries on the phone were a little bit more silent. Luhan himself kept staring up at her. "Tell me, what do you feel for Sehun?"

"...Love", Luhan said with a monotone voice.

"He doesn't believe you. Even I don't believe you, Luhan."

"...But it's true. I love and I miss him. I hope he could keep believing in me and help me to gain back my emotions... I still remember the first time I saw him. He was playing the piano in a musical. I thought he was pretty, he had a suit on and I stared at him. I noticed how he didn't look at the notes."

It's all that was on the papers. He simply read them out loud. The Man had wrote them from what Luhan had told him ages ago, but how could Sehun ever know that? His heart just ached even more from this.

Sehun fell on the floor, sobbing. His heart ached too much and he didn't want to hear anything anymore. His head ached.

"Please... Let me talk to him... Let me talk to him..." he cried to the phone but Evelyn was a bitch. She was cold, just like the Man, they kept playing with Sehun even without him knowing a thing. They played with him to make him believe that Luhan still felt something, even if it was just something the other had read from a piece of paper.

_"He would love to talk with you, but he can't. He doesn't know what else to say. Deep inside, he still loves you, Sehun."_

"Please... I'll do anything... Let me talk to him..."

_"It's too late now. He doesn't know what else to say."_

"Please, Evelyn-"

Before Sehun could beg more, she ended the call. Sehun fell on the floor, holding tightly onto the phone and sobbing. His dog was right there next to him to keep him company. She was rubbing her head against his side to make him feel better, but he kept wailing loudly.

"You're the only one who truly cares, Sasha... I really love Luhan and I can't leave him..."

He pat Sasha's head and she kept making him feel more safe and better. Although he knew he would not be able to live like that, he would not be able to move on without telling his parents. They needed to know, even if he had to make them worry sick over him.

And so he did call his mother. It needed to ring only two times before his mother was already on the phone. Just like Evelyn, what was the first thing she heard was Sehun sobbing on the phone. Worry took over her immediately.

_"Hi- Sehun, what's wrong, honey? Are you crying?"_

"M-mom... Please... Come over..."

_"I'll come there with Ilhun right away. Just hang on for a while, okay?"_

"O-okay..." Sehun sobbed on the phone before hanging off. Then, he dropped the phone and hugged his knees tightly while slightly patting on Sasha's head.

***

Knocks on the door awoke Sehun from his crying session and he walked to the door immediately. It was his mother and his big brother, of course. Dad must have been working right now so he couldn't come.

Sehun was crushed into a big and loving hug from his mother. He didn't hug back though, his body was just pressed against her slightly chubby body. She was pretty tall, taller than the other girls for sure. And she hugged the life out of Sehun.

His big brother then just silently dried his tears while he sobbed, his body shivering violently.

"Poor baby", his mother cooed. "Mom's gonna make you something delicious to eat, would that make my baby feel better?"

Sehun shook his head. He didn't see when someone else did it, but it's something that Ilhun taught him when they were kids. The big brother knew how to play nicely with him, although when they were little he did point out some of Sehun's mistakes and everything, cause he simply didn't understand that the other didn't actually see anything at all.

But they did play tag, and hide-and-seek. Tag only when parents were near and the place was wide enough. Sehun actually just listened to where Ilhun's footsteps were - that's how he learned to listen. And when they were hide-and-seek, he made sure to listen really carefully where was Ilhun chuckling or when he was shuffling away from him. He knew his family members from the way they moved - Ilhun was very light with his steps when they were little, but when he was a teen, it wasn't like that at all and Sehun had to live with that. His father always huffed something, he breathed loudly and when he walked, it felt like the whole ground was shaking. And lastly his mother, who was almost impossible to hear moving. But you could hear her tiny breathing that was slightly squeaky as she had an asthma.

"Let's sit down in the living room", Sehun said when taking a hold of his mother's hand and leading him there. Ilhun followed. Sehun heard it. He always heard.

He sat on the couch and she hugged him tightly. Ilhun sat on the floor before them, because Sasha jumped on the couch next to Sehun and she was something fluffy and adorable to hug.

"What's wrong, honey? Why are you crying?" the mother tried to ask but Sehun shook his head again, meaning that he couldn't talk.

"Does this have something to do with Luhan?" Ilhun asked, annoyance evident in his voice. Sehun didn't want to admit that it was about Luhan, again, but he couldn't lie to his own family. So he kept silent.

Ilhun got up and Sehun could hear his breathing getting quicker.

"Where is he?" he demanded but Sehun shook his head again.

"...I-I don't know... B-but this isn't w-what you think, hyung..." Sehun cried. Ilhun couldn't look at his own brother crying like that, he felt so bad that his brother had to bear with shit like this.

"Then tell us what's it about", the mother tried when caressing Sehun's hair and drying his tears.

"...I... Well..." Sehun didn't know where to start, but he wanted them to know this secret he had had for over five years. "W-when you last saw Luhan... didn't he talk like a... like a..."

"...Robot?" Ilhun asked. Sehun nodded.

...

_"Do this when you mean yes", Ilhun said when holding Sehun's head, shaking it from up and down to show him how to nod. Sehun didn't understand why though._

_"And this when you mean no." He then shook his head from side to side._

_"Understood?" Sehun nodded._

_..._

He kept his head down. He heard his brother sigh deeply.

"I can't believe I let that emotionless bastard take advantage of my little brother."

"There's a reason for it." His voice sounded whiny. His mother gently rubbed his side and he felt slightly better.

"Tell us the reason for this misery", she said. "Tell us why you feel that way."

"...Luhan is a part of a scientific research. I don't know what the scientists are doing to him, but he's losing emotions... But I still know that he loves me..."

"Stop daydreaming", Ilhun said with a stern voice that made Sehun feel a bit anxious. "Leave him for good. Sometimes you just have to cut people out of your life, I can't see you like that anymore. I can't look at you. You make me feel so pained about that I can't even help you."

Sehun shook his head again. He cried out loudly, "You don't understand! It's not what you think!"

"Then tell me!" Ilhun yelled back that made him curl into a ball. Ilhun felt bad immediately and sat back down on the floor before his brother. "Give me one good reason you should still be with him. If he's a scientific research, then you might just have to leave him if he makes you feel that way. He's not good for you, Sehun."

"No... He isn't..." he cried. He flailed his hands forward to find his brother there, and finally was met with the other's face. Ilhun sat there calmly while his brother was touching his face and hair, tears in his eyes. It was hard for the big brother not to cry too.

He took a hold of the younger's hand and just kept in his own.

"I'll always be here. I know that letting go is hard-"

"No. I'm not letting go. I can't."

"Sehun you need to understand that even if he needs help, he doesn't need your help. He needs someone else because he's hurting you."

"No, hyung-"

"Yes! I know that I'm right and you have to stop-"

"I'm part of the research too."

At this point, Ilhun's and the mother's eyes widen and they look at Sehun in disbelief.

"...What for?" the mother asks when she's already in tears too.

"...I don't know what the scientists are doing, but I do know that they are doing something very bad to Luhan... I started to do this because... I wanted to be of help. You know that I can't work because of my depression... So they... offered me a job... and my job was to make Luhan fall in love with me."

The other two stayed silent for a while. They glanced at each other with worry evident in their eyes.

"...I told them that I don't wanna do this anymore, but Luhan said that he still loves me, I know he loves me!"

"...But you love Luhan, right?" the mother asked. Sehun nodded rapidly.

"I love him a lot. I-I kept doing this because I didn't want to tell him the truth because I was afraid that he would stop loving me if I told him that I started this for money."

Sehun felt Ilhun squeezing his hand tighter, to the point where it started to hurt.

"...Then what keeps you from leaving the research?"

"Th-they don't let me leave! And I don't want to leave Luhan! He told me he still loves me and he misses me!"

"They're manipulating you! Luhan doesn't feel anything!" Ilhun tried to tell him but Sehun wouldn't listen. He shook his head and tried to break free from his big brother, but the older one wouldn't let go of his hand. Sehun cried so loudly that it hurt their ears and they couldn't keep in their own tears anymore. "Please, just try to let go of him... He's not good for you..."

Sehun shook his head. He didn't want to let go. He believed that Luhan loved him and he would not leave. Luhan wouldn't stop loving him even if he didn't feel anything and Sehun was determined to have Luhan's feelings back - he was sure he was going to make Luhan have emotions again.


	3. Distressed

The next morning Sehun woke up alone. He was alone in his bedroom, but he wasn't alone in his apartment. His big brother was still in the living room. He stayed the night and slept on the couch to keep some company to Sehun. He simply didn't want to leave the little brother alone. Sehun was the most important person to him in the whole world, he wouldn't let Luhan hurt him like this anymore. It tore his heart into pieces.

Little did he know about what was actually going on. Sehun didn't tell him everything he knew, even though it might have made Ilhun feel more positively about Luhan. Or the opposite.

Sehun sat up too quickly, only to realize it was a bad idea, his head hurt. He pressed his clock right next to his bed and the clock said the time, "8.36 am."

He heard his brother shuffle on the couch. He also heard his dog Sasha yawning and stepping her way into her owner's bedroom. Sehun smiled a little bit to his beloved dog companion. Sasha was the reason for his smile even in the hardest of times. And this was one of the most saddest times in Sehun's life.

The sound of someone yawning drew his attention back to the cold human nature. It was just a yawn, but it reminded him of humans. Animals were the only creatures Sehun trusted anymore. He wouldn't even let a nice gentleman show him to the exit anymore, no, he counted only on Sasha.

He heard steps nearing the bedroom so he stood up reluctantly. Ilhun stayed at the door to ruffle his own hair and sigh.

"Morning, baby brother", he said in a raspy morning voice. Sehun took some support from the wall to keep himself on his feet.

"Morning, hyung", he said or more like whispered. Ilhun came to him to hug him and place a soft kiss on his head. He ruffled his hair. Sehun let him hug him for minutes - he was happy someone cared, and he was happy his family was there for him.

"You look so sad."

"I am so sad."

"Don't be like that. It makes me feel even worse to see you so down."

Sehun didn't care. He snuggled against his brother more and sighed.

***

Luhan went to the city by a bus. He had a car, but he didn't want to use it. He went to a store, just to buy some new clothes. It had been so long since he had bought something for himself. So he decided to take care of that. He went to his favorite shop in whole Seoul and shopped himself something nice, new pants, new shirts. But still, in the end, he had no fun while doing so. He was just so... busy buying the clothes that he didn't even enjoy it. He just wanted it to end.

At some points, Sehun crossed his mind. He kept thinking, would Sehun like this? And he tried on the clothes solely based on would Sehun want him to wear them. You could say he was still in love with him.

And there it was. A white teddy. It sat in the shelf, calling Luhan's name. He could almost hear it, eyes piercing through its' softness. He wanted to take it to Sehun immediately. A big, white teddy that Sehun could hug when there was no Luhan beside him.

He took the teddy from the shelf and kept staring at it with bored eyes. They were plain. There was a human fighting against a monster.

"Excuse me, sir?" a shop assistant called for Luhan. The man turned to the shop assistant who was wearing a bright smile. Luhan copied that.

"How much is this?" he asked. She looked at Luhan from head to toes with a sympathetic look on her face.

"It's quite expensive. There's the price tag... Are you going to buy this for yourself? Something comfy to hug at nights? You know, if you need someone beside you then I think a guy like you could have anyone he wants."

"I'm buying this for my boyfriend." All the colors were washed away from her face. Soon it was replaced with a dark shade of red. She should have known that Luhan didn't really feel anything, so she wouldn't have felt so embarrassed.

"Oh... right... I'll take you to the cashier. Follow me." No wonder she became silent all of a sudden. Luhan didn't say a word either, but neither did he understand the flirt.

***

The Woman kept an eye on what Luhan was doing. He was... playing with a teddy bear. He was holding it with an invisible force. She knew it must have been the telekinesis... He was getting stronger. Or being more possessed by that... force that they were trying to summon.

Of course Luhan knew nothing about that.

Matt looked at Evelyn with pointy eyes.

"He's getting stronger, and getting the hang of it", he pointed out.

"The stronger he becomes, the less he feels. He's gonna become nothingness if we keep this on."

"Does that Sehun do anything right..." Matt sighed deeply when rubbing his face in exhaustion. Evelyn shrugged.

"I think they have been spending less and less time together. Sehun's said his depression is getting worse..."

"Fuck that. This is our research, and Sehun is the only one who can pull Luhan back up. Sehun is the only one Luhan still trusts and remembers and probably partly cares for."

Luhan was listening to them. He wondered how Sehun's depression felt like. He wouldn't have cared if he was really... insensitive when asking about it.

Evelyn sighed deeply and looked at Matt with tired eyes. Then she yawned. "It doesn't matter. We have to get Sehun doing something to make Luhan feel."

She walked to the room where Luhan was playing with the teddy, lifting the plushie up and down and from side to side. He really liked its color and the fluffiness. He was quite sure Sehun would like it. He must like it.

"Luhan", the Woman started when sitting before Luhan. The latter stopped playing with the teddy and sat properly. She made a serious eye contact with him, but he didn't know how to read her face. He didn't even understand that she was being very serious about this matter right now. "Why the hell do you have that teddy bear?"

"Because I bought it for Sehun."

Evelyn looked back at Matt. Suddenly a smile crept on both of their faces.

"Maybe... it's not too late to save him", she said to the Man and the Man nodded. Luhan didn't understand what was this saving, or what even was going on. Saved from what?

She turned back to Luhan to smile to him. Luhan blinked a few times and looked at her face with a blank expression.

"You bought that to Sehun? Why?"

"Because... white. I know that he will like it."

"This just warms up my heart, Luhan. I wish you would always think of how your boyfriend feels like. Just... just try to imagine what he's going through. You, his boyfriend, act like an emotionless robot. Even though you are not a robot. He loves you, Luhan. Just a few days ago he called me and he cried to me about how he misses the times when you two could embrace each other and love each other and be there for each other, be happy together. Don't you miss that, Luhan?" Evelyn tried to make Luhan's feelings show, it was a good try. Luhan blinked again a few times. Then he took the teddy and showed it to Evelyn.

"I bought this for him."

Evelyn pressed her teeth together and tried to smile. This didn't go quite as she had planned it to. Oh well...

***

A high wall kept him caged in. Sehun tried to listen what it was. It was... screaming. Luhan's screaming. Screaming for help.

Everything from Sehun's mind drained immediately and all he could think of was how to save his boyfriend. Luhan kept screaming and screaming. Sehun walked towards the voice.

"...Luhan?" he tried to call out. He couldn't make out what was Luhan trying to tell him. "Luhan!"

"...Hidden..." he understood. "...In hiding... Away from you..."

Sehun ran in the hallway that seemed to have no end. "Luhan where are you?!"

"...Here", he heard the voice of his boyfriend right beside his ear this time and he felt that he was pushed down on the bed. Then he heard a heavy breathing just before his ear and it felt like someone was getting on top of him. "I'm right here. Don't be afraid anymore. I'm right here. And you have nothing to be afraid of."

"L-Luhan-" Sehun's sobs were replaced with a heavy breathing and he didn't know what to believe anymore. Then the breathing stopped, like Luhan had choked on something. And instead, it was replaced with a heavy, long sigh and his warm body turned cold.

Sehun tried to get away from him. He tried to crawl out of the bed, and when he did, there was no ground he fell on. He suddenly heard the traffic and he was falling, not from his bed, but from the top of a skyscraper. The louder the noise came, the nearer he was to ground, until he felt that he was smashed against the concrete.

That is when he finally woke up from his nightmare. He gasped and tried to breathe, sweat dripping from his forehead. His chest heaved up and down rapidly when he had no intention in trying to even his breath. Sasha walked into the room to his owner to place her head on the bed and look at her owner with big, sad eyes.

"I-it was just a dream..." Sehun tried to tell himself. But the way Luhan's breathing was in his ear... When was the last time he felt loved when they were intimately? It had been so long since he felt loved. It was like he let his body to be taken by a stranger.

And where was Luhan hiding? The real Luhan? Is he hiding somewhere? And where is this somewhere exactly, and why can't Sehun pull him back?

"...Just... a dream..."

He flailed his hand around to get to his clock that was on his nightstand. He pressed the clock and it said the time, "8.49 pm." It was almost night.

"Guess I fell asleep..." While crying, again. Crying is exhausting, indeed. It takes a lot of energy, usually to the point where you have no energy to do anything else at all. Sehun hated it, but he was forced to do these things. Sehun did have energy to think about something though. Death was always in his mind.

Hmm... The skyscraper. That's it. That's where he was going to end his life. He had had enough. This was not the way he wanted to spend the rest of his life. A puppet of some fucked up people.

He got up and threw his jacket on himself. He also took Sasha with him to help him there. There was no taxis. But Sehun had a very clear destination in mind. He was going to the highest building in the city, and he knew how to get there by bus. Although, some people there really wanted to tease him. He didn't care anymore. His face was probably red from all the crying. But he did not care.

Then the bus stopped at the stop. He left the bus with Sasha and made his way onto the roof of the building.

It was windy. It was dangerous. Sehun never really liked danger. He hated it, in fact. Why risk your life when you can live like a normal human being without any risks involved?

"This is it, Sasha", Sehun started when he walked to the edge of the roof. He didn't stand right on the edge, but a bit away from it. He sat down to feel the breeze on his hair and his face. Tears rushed down his face when he hugged his knees. Sasha nudged his sleeve. "I'm gonna die here. I'm gonna do it. I can't take this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't. Why did I have to be born like this? Why did I have to be different? And why the hell couldn't I find someone else than Luhan? Or what if I had met Luhan but not in the name of a contract? What if I hadn't taken the contract in the first place..?"

Sehun could hardly breathe. The crying was choking him. The warm tears landed on his hands and his sleeves. They became cold when the wind cooled them.

"...But of course... These are just ifs... Why do I keep complaining like this? There is no one anymore who would make me feel calm... He used to always comfort me when I cried. He used to always watch movies late in the night and I always just listened what it was about. He was the only one I let help me when I went to the store. He was the only one who I ever let touch me..."

Just then he heard some laughing and footsteps. He immediately became weary. He turned his head a little bit to hear the person better.

"How lovely... sweet... and pathetic at the same time." Sehun knew that voice. It was Evelyn. That bastard.

"You're a witch", he hissed. "How did you know I am here?"

"GPS, honey. You think I'm that stupid? Well think again."

"Why are you here?"

"Just decided to check up on you."

"So you're keeping an eye on me." Sehun sniffled when biting his lip. "Have you ever loved anyone? That when you feel like, after years of searching and giving up on any hope, you just... find someone... who brings back that hope?"

"No. Can't say I have", she replied coldly. She watched up to the skies and bit her lip. "I have never given up on hope. Some of us just can't afford to quit."

"You think I did?"

"Well, you're just sitting there and wondering how to kill yourself. I'd say you have too much time on your shoulders. Maybe you should start doing something."

Sehun felt anger. Something he had not felt in a while. But at the same time, he also felt disgusted at himself. He felt worthless. But the sadistic smile from Evelyn's face didn't wash off. Even when she heard Sehun cry like a baby.

"Some people are afraid of death. Most, to be exact. Some people are afraid of living. You belong to the second one. Maybe you should start fearing death too?"

"You think I'm going to fear death just because you tell me to?"

"No. I think you'll be afraid of dying if I tell you what's going to happen to your precious Luhan. Ah, yes, what if I told him about the contract? That it was all just an act? That you started to love him just for money? If we can't make him feel love, then maybe we can make him really upset. I really am desperate for that."

"Y-you can't tell him that!" Sehun cried and tried to aim his shouts at the witch. She just chuckled.

"Didn't you say you wanna quit? This is the only way. After that, we're going to kill Luhan. If there will be no anger in him, he's not feeling any emotions, which means he's only a threat to humankind. Or, maybe we'll give him to CIA and make them get use of his powers while trying to fight against the wrongs of the world. He'll become the government's puppet. Who knows?"

Sehun wanted to get up and punch that bitch in the face. He did actually get up, but only to hear someone approaching him. Someone with heavy steps.

Before he could do anything, a pair of strong arms lifted him up. Sehun quickly took some support from the man who kept him in his arms. He was strong and tall.

"Wh-what-"

"Well, I guess everything's gonna end up well after all. The prince gets his princess. But you're not Belle, Sehun, remember that you don't fall in love with the monster. I'd say you're Cinderella who worked for the evil stepmother. If it makes you feel any better, I'll let you think that the evil stepmother is me. Maybe it's time to find the right prince for you, right?"

The man started taking Sehun downstairs with light steps and Evelyn followed.

"This here is Chanyeol. A real cute firefighter. His face is soft and he doesn't even have a beard. A big fan of poetry. Maybe you two will find love in each other. Oh, and Sehun, he really loves piano music, so he'll listen to you play all day."

"I think it's amazing that you have learned how to play the piano, Sehun, even if you can't see the notes", Chanyeol admired. Sehun's jaw dropped. This wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want a strong man to carry him home. And he certainly didn't want it to be set up by Evelyn.

***

Chanyeol took Sehun in his bedroom. Sasha was following his steps all the time. Chanyeol gently placed Sehun on the bed, he did notice that Sehun was panicking but he stayed calm. Evelyn had already left. Sehun feared anything this man would do to him.

Chanyeol tried to take off Sehun's jacket, only to have the other squirm away from him.

"N-no... L-let me go... I-I'm not gonna do anything with you, so you just-"

"Relax. I am not going to do anything to you." His voice was really gentle. "I was just going to help you settle in bed. But I do understand why you feel that I might hurt you. Evelyn isn't the most... nicest person on earth. But don't worry. If you need anything, just let me know."

Sehun didn't want to believe anything that was happening. He wanted back to the edge to throw himself to death. But he already missed Luhan.

"That man must have really hurt you. Let me help you. You're shivering."

"...It's not his fault. I don't blame him for anything. I blame Evelyn and Matt for all that happened."

"...You've had it tough. I can see you're not feeling alright. Anyone could. Your face is red and in tears."

Did it cross this guy's mind that Sehun doesn't actually see or understand the concept of colors?

"...Yes. Can you just leave me alone?"

"Of course. I'll be leaving now. Evelyn put my number on your phone while we were in the car. So you can just... call me if you need me. I'll be there for you if you want me to."

With those words, Chanyeol left. Sehun took off his jacket and long shirt to hide under the covers and cry there. He was presented with a prince, but he was in love with the monster. But the monster was once a prince too.


	4. Hidden

The Woman walked across the room. That one thing was fulfilling her mind. What if she told Luhan? How would he react? Would he be angry, would he go crazy?

If Luhan's mind was occupied by a monster, the human left in him might be so devastated that it would stop fighting back. He'd let the monster win over him for good.

Evelyn stared at the wall before looking back at Matt. The Man was preoccupied with something on the computer. Luhan behind the glass was reading a book, flipping the pages without his hands.

She wanted to know. She wanted their test subject to come alive. Even if the result was fatal, she'd do it.

"Matt", she called for him and he immediately rose his head. He looked at her over his glasses. "I think there's a way... that we can make him feel something."

"...Feel... what exactly?"

"Anger. The truth about Sehun and the contract."

Matt's eyes widened. He started pointing his finger at Evelyn and a smile rose on his face as he stood up.

"How did we not think about this sooner? He will definitely start feeling when he knows the truth."

"...Do you want to do the honors?"

"No. Definitely not", the Man replied and opened the door for Evelyn. "After you."

Evelyn just smiled a bit before walking to the room to sit right before Luhan. The latter didn't stop reading the book, he was so absorbed in the romance in it. It didn't exactly make him feel anything, but there was just a certain desire for him to read it. He didn't know why, but he wanted to read it. Even if his face was blank when he did.

The Woman before him sat up straight and coughed once loudly to note him about her presence. He didn't care at first, but then the Man nudged his sleeve. He had to close his book and concentrate on the person before him.

"Luhan", she started, trying hard not to smile like a witch. "I want to talk to you about Sehun."

Luhan shrugged.

"Did you give the teddy to him?"

"Not yet. He hasn't invited me to his place in two weeks."

"You don't always have to wait for him to call you. You can call or visit him on your own."

"He has told me not to disturb him."

Luhan read the Woman's thoughts. She was thinking that this is all Sehun's fault and that it's all his fault for being so weak. That itself made Luhan a bit angry, but not quite.

"It's his fault", she then said out loud. "I want to tell you the truth about him."

Luhan narrowed his eyes. The Man faked that he was anxious for this, even though he was excited. Luhan looked at both of them alternatively.

"...What do you mean? What truth?"

"...The truth. He... never truly loved you."

Luhan didn't look impressed. Not yet. He could notice the smile on Evelyn's face, but didn't understand why it was there. Sehun had taught him that smile shows happiness. Why was Evelyn happy in this situation?

"Me and Matt paid him. So that he would seduce you and fake it that he loves you. He hasn't been doing this because he cares about you, no - he's been doing this, he's been with you, only for the money. He and his parents were in desperate need of money and that slut just went with it. Easy, for a boy like him."

Luhan took a deep breath. This couldn't be the truth, did Sehun actually do this? It would make sense, since this is all just an experiment.

"He played innocent before you, he played that he loves you, and boy did he do it well. And he has a new man. Can you believe that? He's willing to throw you away like trash once this is all over."

How did he not see that Evelyn and Matt knew Sehun? How was he so blind that he didn't notice that the three were working together? All these people, just to play with him... All these people, just to rip away the humanity out of him.

Now did they ever think of the consequences?

They would bear them no matter what.

Luhan took a deep breath again. He bit his lips and closed his eyes. He felt... angry. Bitter. Disappointed. Betrayed...

Evelyn was still smiling and Matt was excited. They both stared at Luhan, knowing that they actually did it - they made him feel something.

"...Luhan... How do you feel right now?" Matt asked gently.

"...Angry."

And the two exhilarated. Luhan could not calm down however. The more he tried to stay put, the more he wanted to go and scream and burn the whole place to the ground.

 

_"Sehun... I... can't believe it... He... never loved me? It was all just for money?"_

_The monster stood right before Luhan. It was tall and it had a long tail. It had a slimy skin that was glowing green, irradiated. It tried to say something, but Luhan didn't understand what it said in words. He felt it though. The monster wanted him to let it out. He couldn't tame it anymore. He couldn't keep it in control._

_"You could have the revenge with me, through me, by letting me out", Luhan said what he thought the monster was trying to say. The monster nodded.  
_

_Around them was nothing but darkness. This was the mind of the body of Luhan._

 

No. Burning wouldn't do the damage that he wanted to cause.

He wanted pure chaos.

Luhan got up from the chair, took his jacket and threw it on himself. He left the book with the two who now looked at him with wide eyes.

"Where are you going?" Evelyn wondered.

"I'm going to show everyone what I have kept inside me for years. What I cannot tame... and wish for someone to end it."

"I think it would be the best if you stayed here with us", Matt tried to convince, but when Luhan rose his head and looked at him with dark, empty eyes, fear overtook his whole body and mind.

"I will come back here and deal with you two later, don't worry", he said, and with that, he left. The smiles from their faces dropped immediately.

"He's going to kill us, is he?" Matt asked. Evelyn got up quickly and walked over to the computer.

" _It_ is going to kill us. _It_ isn't Luhan."

***

Sehun was sitting at the table in his kitchen. This morning he called Chanyeol. He wanted to feel warm and safe again, and if Chanyeol would give him that, then it was all set. He seemed like a nice person - maybe he wouldn't mind if Sehun cried and held him like a baby. He wanted that. He wanted someone to nice hold him when he cried.

His face was blank. Tears made his face red and puffy. He sniffled. Sasha tried to comfort him, but it all seemed to be in vain. She was just a dog, after all. Sehun was afraid of people, but he still wanted to be with them. He missed people. He missed human contact.

Maybe he should call his brother again. Maybe he should visit.

Yeah, maybe it would be good if Chanyeol and Ilhun were both at his place, so that he knew that Chanyeol would not hurt him. Although, it might not give a good impression for Chanyeol if Sehun was there with his brother. What kind of a person even wants to be on a 'date' with a boy who brings his big brother with him?

Better leave Ilhun out of this. If Chanyeol did something bad then Sasha would bite him and Sehun flee to the restroom, lock the door and call his brother. Problem solved. Yes, that was Sehun's plan.

"Sasha, you're such an angel... What would I do without you?" he asked with a shaky voice when leaning towards his dog. The dog licked his face and he chuckled.

Just then someone knocked on the door. Sehun immediately tensed up. It must be Chanyeol. It had been an hour since he had called already and he should be out of work by now, or at least on his way.

Sehun took a deep breath. Chanyeol is a nice person, Chanyeol will be a nice person, he will not hurt you.

Sehun walked towards the door, his heart beating rapidly. He was anxious, and excited at the same time. Excited to finally start fresh with someone new who actually had feelings.

He opened the door and tried to fake a smile.

"I didn't expect you to come so quickly. Did you get changed already? Or did you come straight from work?" He sniffled and then dried away the tears from his face. He then chuckled. "I'm sorry. The depression just... makes me very emotional."

Luhan looked at him from head to toes. The hell was he talking about? This wasn't how he talked to Luhan usually... He was waiting for someone else, wasn't he?

When there was no reply, Sehun felt that this wasn't Chanyeol. He didn't dare to say the name, if it was Luhan then he would misunderstand. He took a few steps away.

"...Luhan...? Is that you?" he asked. He was brave enough to take a few steps forward to touch the man's face. It truly felt like Luhan. The latter standing before him looked at him with a blank expression on his face. It was purely taken over by bitterness.

Sehun felt even more anxious when Luhan didn't say anything. He took a few steps back. The silence was scary.

"...Luhan...?"

The man closed and locked the door behind him. Sehun took a deep shaky breath in. He heard him lock the door and immediately started to fear for his life. Something bad was going to happen to him.

"You shouldn't have lied to me, Sehun", Luhan said in a cold voice. He took a step closer and Sehun took a step back, breath hitching in his throat. Luhan was so scary. "I know about the contract. I know about the money."

Sehun shook his head. Evelyn told him. "Luhan I know that you must feel betrayed... At first, I did do it for the money. But then I got to know you, and I fell in love with you. I told them that I don't want the money anymore because I fell in love with you. It wasn't a job, hell, I was ready to live with my parents and be poor, live with nothing if I had to in order to be with you. I didn't want any of this to happen, I just wanted to be happy."

"Interesting", Luhan said with a monotone voice. Sehun felt tears bursting out and he breathed heavily.

In hiding.

There was Luhan. Under that core. Sehun knew it.

This was not Luhan.

"Did you... pretend every time I took you? Did you... kiss me back because she told you? Did you..." he walked over to Sehun quickly so the other wouldn't get away from him and took a hold of his jaw. Sehun whimpered. "...Become a whiny bitch because of that?"

Sehun took a hold of Luhan's hand and tried to move it, only to realize how inhumanly strong he was. This was definitely not Luhan. This was something... else.

"Did you cry to your mommy and daddy and big brother every time I was a little rough on you? You little bitch. You should have known your place in the beginning." Luhan kept humiliating him. Sehun tried to move his hand away before feeling a punch on his face. And he fell on the floor. The pain was radiating from his nose that was now bleeding. He was quite sure it was broken and couldn't stop crying. In fact, he started crying so loud that it made Luhan furious. "No one's ever given you a good punch before?"

Sasha started to bark and growl at Luhan. The man just looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Then the dog ran towards him and jumped on him, only to be thrown against the wall like a piece of crumbled paper. It was the telekinesis.

The horrible whimper that left her mouth made Sehun afraid of what happened to her - and what's going to happen to him.

"Wh-what did you do to Sasha?" he asked between the sobs while crawling on the floor, now trying to cover his body. Luhan walked over to him and kicked him.

"I should have made it clear who owns you in the beginning", Luhan claimed when crouching next to Sehun. "All of you is mine. And I won't let that other guy even land a finger on you. Or, maybe I will - on your corpse."

Sehun hoped this was all just a bad dream and he would wake up next to the real Luhan. Not this monster.

All those hopeful thoughts about escape vanished from his mind as Luhan climbed on top of him and wrapped his hands around Sehun's neck. The latter took a hold of them - but again, Luhan was too powerful. He could kill him right here and now, and Sehun kind of wished he did it quickly.

Luhan started to strangle him with force. Sehun kicked the air and tried to gasp for oxygen, but was unable to. Tears streamed down his face and he felt like dying, panicking. Why couldn't it end sooner?

When Sehun was about to pass out, Luhan slapped him and stopped strangling. Sehun gasped for air, but it was still hard to breathe - his throat hurt and his lungs burned.

"No, you don't deserve a quick death. You deserve the worst death a bitch like you could get."

He got up. Sehun tried to, but Luhan kicked his face and he cried out louder.

"Let's play hide and seek. I will count to ten, and for that time, you can hide anywhere you want. Anywhere. In ten seconds. Be prepared. It won't be pretty when I find you."

Luhan turned to face the door, but kept his eyes open. Of course he would cheat, Sehun didn't know were his eyes open or not. Sehun kind of guessed he wouldn't close them.

"One..."

Sehun couldn't get up. He had to, but he was weak.

"Two..."

He got on his hands and knees.

"Three..."

And he started crawling towards the kitchen.

"...Four... Five... Six..."

He got up against the kitchen counter.

"Seven... Eight..."

Luhan kept an eye on everything he did.

"Nine..."

He took a knife from the kitchen counter.

"Ten."

Luhan turned his body to the other's direction. Sehun held the knife with both of his hands, ready to stab Luhan if he came too close. He was determined to end this if necessary. Luhan looked down on him nevertheless.

"...Honey... Seriously? You are threatening _me_ with a knife? You might want to think again."

"D-don't come a-any closer to m-me", Sehun whined, voice almost inaudible from the choking. Luhan tilted his head to the right, observing the other. He walked closer, and every step felt like death to Sehun.

"...You don't want to do that, Sehun", he warned. With his telekinesis he started to move Sehun's hand. The other didn't know what was happening, he couldn't control his own hand. It went closer to his stomach.

But of course Luhan didn't want to kill him. Not like this.

So he made Sehun cut himself. And he just smiled.

"Good boy."

Sehun made himself a deep cut in his wrist. One that started dripping blood immediately. Sehun couldn't take it. Luhan walked behind him and caressed him. He let his lips wander against his soft neck.

"Have you ever been complimented for cutting yourself? You disgust me."

Sehun cried even more. He was about to hit Luhan with the knife, but he was too slow. Luhan threw the knife across the room and then pinched Sehun's side. The other let out a whimper.

He threw Sehun on the floor. Just as he was about to kick him, someone knocked on the door. Luhan didn't kick Sehun, but went to the door. Sehun crawled after him.

Luhan opened the door to find a strange man there. It was Chanyeol, who didn't know who Luhan was. He just looked at him weirdly.

"Uhm... Is... Sehun here?"

"That slut is with me. Come again some other time. Or if you wish to make someone fall in love with him and make inhuman experiments on him, do pay a lot of money first."

He was just about to close the door when Chanyeol pushed the door. He ran over Luhan and came into the apartment to find Sehun on the kitchen floor.

"Sehun!" he crouched to help him but Sehun shook his head.

"Chanyeol, go back, go back, now... Call the police, anything, but don't stay in here, he's going to kill you, he's going to kill me, he'll kill us both", Sehun cried and wouldn't let Chanyeol help him. Chanyeol didn't understand anything at all, before Luhan helped him up and then punched him right in his face. Chanyeol fell back a bit but then he was ready to fight back.

Sehun crawled back into the corner of the kitchen to hide himself. Chanyeol threw a punch at Luhan and actually managed to hit him, but only making Luhan more angry. He wasn't going to fight for long.

"Who are you?" Luhan asked.

"...Someone who's not going to treat Sehun like he was a filthy slut."

"Oh, so you're a liar?" That didn't make Chanyeol happy at all. He was ready to throw another punch at the other, but Luhan dodged. He took a hold of Chanyeol with his telekinesis and threw him out the window. Chanyeol's back was in glass shards and he let out loud cries of pain.

Sehun heard it. He knew Luhan threw Chanyeol out the window. He couldn't stop feeling regret for pulling Chanyeol into this.

Luhan walked towards Sehun. He was going to kill him. Sehun tried to back away, but he was against the wall. He heard a car driving into the yard. Was someone here to save him...?

Before Luhan could do anything to hurt him, someone broke into the apartment. No, there was many of them. There was a lot of them.

"Shoot him!" one of the men yelled and before anyone could notice, he was shot in his leg once - no more, just once. Luhan fell to the ground and turned to look at them. It hurt. There was ten men doing nothing but staring at Luhan, pointing their guns at him. They were wearing armor and their armor had the text SWAT.

They waited. Luhan was weirded out and so was Sehun, but he was happy someone came to save him. He was shivering like it was mid winter.

Luhan tried to get up but the bullet in his leg made him unable to stand. He tried to throw the men away with his telekinesis before his vision started to look wobbly. He felt that he was going unconscious.

Before finally collapsing on the floor. Sehun tried to crawl a bit forward, to touch Luhan. To see if he was still alive.

"L-Luhan-" he cried.

"Patch him up. The doctors need them both in the lab", one of the soldiers said. Two of the soldiers went to Sehun, the other trying to stop the bleeding from his wrist and the other to get something to fix his nose.

Sehun didn't understand anything that was going on. Maybe this was all just a dream. At least it was all over now.

But who did they need again? And where? And why?

"Ch-Chanyeol-" Sehun tried to call his name. "Ch-Chanyeol i-is in the-... the... he threw him out the w-window..."

"Someone go check that out and patch him up", the soldier who was patching Sehun's nose said to two of the soldiers and they nodded and proceeded to take care of it immediately. "It's okay. You're alright now. We are going to take you to Evelyn and Matt, they need you for something."

"Wh-what?" Sehun panicked. "What do they need me for?"

"We were hoping that you would know."

Sehun closed his eyes. He couldn't stop crying. No, it was not all over yet.


	5. Beast

_\- "I constantly feel like I'm at war with myself."_

\--

Sehun was leaded to the lab in the fourth floor with two SWAT soldiers. He didn't really feel secured without Sasha, but he was happy that one of the soldiers made sure that she would be okay. He had never visited the lab, the whole place was new to him. And it didn't help at all that he didn't know what they were going to do with him and Luhan.

The soldiers walked him to Evelyn and Matt. The two looked at him from head to toes, Sehun could almost feel their stares on him. He tried to listen to his surroundings. He didn't hear anything except someone walking closer to him. It sounded like high heels clashing against the floor.

"Sehun", Evelyn started when taking his hand in hers and leading him to a chair behind the computer. In the other room behind the glass was Luhan, but Sehun didn't know that. Evelyn and Matt were both staring at him. He was strapped to a chair, still very much unconscious. "We would like you to do the honors."

"...What honors?" Sehun's voice shivered. Evelyn placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He must have hurt you real bad. Look at your nose. It's broken. And your throat has bruises. And, oh, your wrist-" she started but then looked at all the other scars there. "...Poor Sehun."

"You don't know this, but there's a computer before you, and behind that there's a glass. Before you is another room where Luhan is strapped to a chair", Matt explained. Sehun tried to look at him, on the edge of falling apart again. Why did he have such responsibility on his shoulders? "When you click the button in the screen, the helmet on Luhan's head will give him a real good shock - one that will kill him."

Sehun's jaw dropped. His heart stopped. What was left of his emotions was all in blur. This was a nightmare, it had to be, and he wanted to wake up as soon ad possible... Before he would hear Luhan die.

"No, I can't kill him", he sobbed, trying hard to breathe. "And neither can you!"

"Sehun... He is a monster. He's... he's a lost case already. There is no reason for him to live anymore. He is a powerful monster who only lives for vengeance", Matt tried to reason with Sehun who shook his head furiously.

"I am not going to kill anyone!"

Evelyn took a hold of Sehun's hand and placed it on the mouse. She helped him to the right spot on the screen, but Sehun of course wouldn't press it.

"He is going to kill us all! The monster that lives inside him does not belong into this world!" she yelled.

"What monster? I don't understand anything you're saying!" he cried. "Why must I do this? You can't kill him!"

"There is no Luhan anymore. There is no hope for Luhan that you still wish to love", Matt said calmly when placing his hand on Sehun's. "Let's do this together. Let's press the button."

"No! You can't make me do this!"

"Yes we can", he said in a cold voice as he then clicked.

The engine in the other room started and in a second a horrifying scream was heard throughout the whole room. Sehun blocked his ears and raised his legs against his chest.

"Stop it! Stop!" Sehun screamed as tears rushed down his face. He was a mess.

Matt made it stop by clicking the button again. It ended. Luhan did not scream anymore.

"Y-you h-... have no idea... wh-what it s-sounds like... w-when you ca-can't see..." Sehun cried. It was terrifying and he wanted to get out now. Matt and Evelyn only glanced at each other, but Matt was ready to click the button again.

But was Luhan dead?

Oh no. He was not dead. And neither was the monster.

Without even pressing the button again, Luhan started to squirm in the chair and scream. His body twitched and he hit his arms against the chair, he tried to get out.

 _It_ tried to get out.

He looked up and opened his mouth wide and screamed. Sehun couldn't take it, he thought that the scientists did something to him again.

"S-stop it!" he begged, but Matt and Evelyn were both terrified and fascinated by what was happening. "Stop!"

"We are not doing anything", Evelyn told him, and Sehun immediately stopped begging. "The shock... it must have..."

"The monster that lives inside him... it reacted to the shock instead of Luhan..." Matt figured.

"...You're telling me we didn't shock Luhan... We... shocked... the monster...?"

"Exactly."

Their eyes were wide open and their jaws dropped. This was unlike anything that they imagined. They managed to summon a monster from another dimension into a human body, and shocked it. It must not be very happy about it, they both figured, as it was trying to get out of the human body. It could not be tamed.

"...Wh-what's happening?" Sehun asked, it was barely understandable what he said. Evelyn shook her head in awe.

"I... have no idea..."

The second heart dropping scream that Luhan let out sounded like his heart was about to burst out of his chest. He tried to breathe. It sounded inhuman.

Suddenly the whole building started to shake. It was not like any regular earthquake. Sehun held closely to the chair and flailed his head around, afraid that all his surroundings would collapse. Matt and Evelyn walked away nearer the walls.

The wall on the left started crumbling. Not to fall, but to open up a gate. There was a huge crack on the wall by the time Luhan was done screaming.

He forcefully ripped away the straps from the chair that were keeping him down and threw the helmet in the other side of the room, before collapsing on the floor unconscious. He didn't move at all, he didn't even breathe.

But the crack on the wall became bigger. It let out noises that were out of this world - demonic noises.

Sehun tried to block his ears. He dropped down from the chair to crawl away from the noises, into the corner of the room. He didn't care where he would go, as long as it was away from those noises. Until finally he bumped into Matt who was holding his breath.

"It opened up a portal", Evelyn yelled to the man. Every single one of them was terrified and shivering, afraid of what was going to happen. And Sehun was afraid of what would happen to Luhan.

Luhan twitched on the ground a couple of time before starting to drag himself nearer to the corner of the room. He couldn't use his legs. His vision was blurry and his nose was bleeding. He was dizzy and his body felt heavy, in horrible pain. He hardly heard the demonic noises around him because his ears were ringing.

Matt and Evelyn both watched in awe as the man dragged himself away from the portal, the crack on the wall...

That was suddenly opened wide by a huge, slimy, dark green, glowing monster. It opened its mouth to scream so loud that the glasses all broke.

Sehun, the scientists and the soldiers blocked their ears. Sehun was panicking after hearing the roar because it made his ears ring - all he could now count on was what he felt. He couldn't see anything but darkness, he couldn't hear anything but the ringing.

"This is... impossible", Evelyn whimpered when looking directly at the monster. She swallowed dryly, fear almost making her numb. What had they done?

"Well we did it!" Matt screamed to her. "Are you happy?!"

"I didn't expect it to come here into our world!" she argued back, now both of them blaming each other for what happened. Sehun also blamed them for everything, but didn't really hear anything.

Matt and Evelyn both looked at Sehun who was panicking on the floor. Then they glanced at the monster.

They took a hold of him and raised him on his feet. Sehun couldn't see or hear anything, he was only whimpering when trying to get the two let go of him. Matt and Evelyn opened the door and threw Sehun right in front of the monster.

Sehun fell on the floor on his hands and knees. He tried the floor and moved a bit forward. He felt that there was something slimy on the floor. And then he felt something on his head. He tried it. It was sticky, like saliva. Immediately he jumped back and gasped, trying the saliva on his hand. He felt someone's presence before him. It was something big.

Then he felt a hot breath on his face. He tried to move away from it before he hit the wall. He couldn't move anymore, fear had overtook him. His thoughts were messed up. He felt that he couldn't breathe and his body shivered, this surely was the end.

Luhan, in the corner of the room, tried really hard to take a hold of his body and the situation. His body ached everywhere and he was nearly dead. Maybe the near death experience freed the monster out of him.

Noises ringed in his ears, his vision was wobbly. His head hurt like hell and he was nauseous. He had no idea what was going on.

Until he heard it. A scream. The voice sounded... familiar. It sounded just like...

His eyes opened up. He bit his lips and used all his willpower to focus on the sight before him.

The monster... the monster that he had been fighting with inside his head was now out. And it was going to hurt his boyfriend.

Or ex?

No. Luhan wouldn't give up just like that.

"S..." he tried to say, but it came out as a whisper. He coughed and tried to gain his consciousness. "Sehun."

That came out a little bit better. Sehun, before the monster, started slowly hearing things. He hardly heard anything except the demonic noises though, and the hard breathing before him and his own.

"Sehun", Luhan tried to call out to him, slowly crawling nearer the man. Everything was spinning. He needed to gain his strength before the person he cared for the most would no longer be here. The monster was still mad at Sehun, because Luhan's and the monster's minds were connected when they were still one and the same. Now that the monster is out, it has its own mind, but it still yearns for vengeance towards those people who Luhan was mad at just this morning. 

If there was anything that he could do, he would do it. But his vision was getting black again when he heard Sehun scream and saw the monster pinning his arm against the wall. Sehun tried to squirm away.

Slowly Luhan rose his head to see that all the soldiers were gone, and Matt and Evelyn were staring at the monster with eyes and mouths wide open. They were terrified, yet excited, and Luhan knew that. It was written on their faces.

Who were they? Kids who wanted to prove that monsters do exist?

But Luhan knew better by now that there are no monsters greater than humans.

"Hey... You... Ugly... Green... Noisy... Monster..." Luhan tried to raise his voice to gain the monster's attention. It kind of worked, as the monster just glanced at him before proceeding to continue to scare Sehun whose heart was beating so loud that it was all he heard anymore. "Are you mad that you were disturbed? Brought into a whole wrong dimension that you don't belong in?"

Now that did gain the monster's attention. Luhan tried his hardest to get up to sit and raise his hand to point at Evelyn and Matt. The two looked at him in horror. The monster let go of Sehun's hand and tilted his head to the side like a dog.

"Brought to here with monsters. Go home to your family."

"Madness", the monster said in a deep, growling voice. Luhan nodded. He had heard this voice before inside his head. It often repeated the words Sehun said.

That voice however, made Sehun, Matt and Evelyn all the more scared.

"Madness. And those two... are the monsters... who brought you into this... madness..." Luhan fell down on the floor again, trying to even his breath. The monster now took steps away from Sehun and looked at Luhan who was holding his stomach in agony. He hissed from the pain. "You want home... back to your family... Don't take mine away from me..."

The monster growled loudly as Luhan groaned in pain. It went to the window and broke it. Matt and Evelyn were so terrified that they couldn't move. Evelyn started screaming immediately as the monster took a hold of her with its claws. They scratched her stomach as she tried to squirm away. It took Matt in his other hand before the scientist could run away and the man screamed all the same.

"Luhan! Make him stop!" Evelyn screamed while hitting the monster's arm. Luhan now took some support from the wall as he stood up, then leaning on it and breathing rapidly. He glared at the two scientists who were kicking and hitting the monster to let them go.

"You made me mad", Luhan exclaims. "Crazy."

He takes a few steps forward nearer Sehun who's shivering and crying on the floor. He has no idea what is happening and he's blocking his ears.

"He has two children. Their mother died. Take some responsibility and clean up the mess that you made."

"You'll pay for this, Luhan!" Matt yelled when the monster took the first step into the portal. Matt and Evelyn both grasped onto the wall so they wouldn't be sucked into the other dimension. Luhan shook his head with tears in his eyes as he took Sehun's hand in his own, helping him up to his feet. Sehun didn't know who it was helping him, he was sure by now that he was gone crazy.

"No. You are paying for it, Matt."

And just like that, the monster walked into the portal that was letting out the demonic noises. The cracks on the wall were getting bigger, but the portal was going to close. The place was surely going to fall apart.

Luhan couldn't stop his tears when he saw Sehun like that, wincing at every touch and trying hard to breathe, afraid for his life. Fearing Luhan's touch, fearing to take a step forward, hardly hearing anything and his surroundings wobbling.

"Come on, Sehun. Let's go before this place collapses", Luhan tried to reason when taking Sehun's hand in his own and starting to walk away from the portal. He walked nearer to the elevator slowly but surely. Sehun didn't even know how high they were, where they were, who was the person leading him. He knew Luhan's voice, but he couldn't process it. This was surely a dream.

"Are... you... my... Luhan...?" Sehun sobbed as they walked. Luhan was holding his stomach while hissing quietly when taking steps forward.

"...Yes. I am your Luhan. Now come with me... this place is collapsing."

"I-I thought that I had lost you", Sehun cries when back hugging the other, but the latter quickly getting away from the hug.

"Didn't you hear what I said? This place is collapsing. We might still be dead if we don't get out like right now."

Sehun couldn't say anything, Luhan was finally back again but there was not much time left. They might still die.

He wasn't ready to give up. He needed to get out of here. The love of his life was right next to him and they could have the perfect life together if they just got out alive.

"We're using the stairs. Don't be afraid, I'll help you", Luhan assured as they finally got to the staircase. "We are in the fourth floor. So there will be quite a lot of steps. Can you handle that?"

"I-I guess I don't have a choice", Sehun replied, now holding Luhan's arm tightly.

They got through three floors when suddenly they heard a loud noise from the other side of the building. Luhan knew for certain that it was gonna fall and they were done for. He was almost out of hope, but the staircase was made of glass. He got an idea.

"We're gonna sprint through this last one okay, just hold onto me, even though this might hurt", Luhan assured as he took a hold of Sehun and started to run through the stairs. His body was in numbing pain but the adrenaline kept him going on. He was not going to die today, not this near to his freedom.

Sehun missed a lot of steps, okay, but Luhan kind of dragged him after himself. In the first floor, they had no access outside as the door was blocked. The place had already collapsed from there and soon they would be crushed too.

Luhan saw a plant in the stairs and took it in his hands. It was heavy and he felt like dying, but he needed to survive. So he hit the plant against the window. Again, and again, until it would break. It didn't, so Sehun started to help him, until finally he heard the shards of glass falling onto the ground. Just then they heard a loud noise from above them and Luhan pushed Sehun out. He jumped after him, and together they ran as fast as they could (which wasn't very fast) away from the building that just fell apart behind them. The wind blew them on the ground and they covered each other from the dust and glass.

It didn't take long before they heard the ambulance, and they were taken to the hospital immediately.

 


	6. Dreamers

_\- "All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."_

\---

The darkness cleared out slowly from around him as he blinked his heavy eyelids a few times. His body was heavy and it took all his strength to raise his arm to see what was it that was connected to it.

Of course, a hose, and he finally understood where he was. The room was white and he had some weird white dress on him.

Luhan looked all around himself, he was all alone. Was he dead? Was he alive?

Was he truly alone? Was the monster gone?

Images of the portal and the monster rush through his mind and he sighs deep in exhaustion and relief. He was back. He finally had his own body and mind in his control. It brought tears into his eyes. It was a rebirth. He was born again. 

As the images came to his mind, an image of Sehun also came to his mind. The only thing he wanted right now was to find Sehun and embrace him, tell him that the place where he had been was so dark and scary, and he was so lonely. He wanted to tell Sehun how he had missed him so much.

It took all his strength to raise up to sit. He had to hold his stomach and wince a bit in pain, but he needed to endure in order to go and see Sehun. He got up slowly and hesitantly, almost falling on the ground immediately as he got up. It was hard for him to breathe, it was hard to walk, it was hard to see, but if he just got to Sehun, all would be okay. Like a kid he needed to find Sehun and talk to him about this nightmare that he had seen.

The door squeaked a little as it was opened. There were people walking in the hallways. Busy nurses and doctors going on about their job and making sure the patients were all okay. Luhan thought that the hospital meant death. Yet he wanted to believe that it could also mean hope and lifesavers in white jackets. Or maybe they were the grim reapers, here to break the bad news.

He just wanted that the bad news weren't for him nor Sehun. He needed to see Sehun immediately.

He also wanted to apologize for the things that he had done that evening, for the things that he had done for those few years, for all the unspeakable pain that Sehun had to endure just in order to keep the other alive and the scientists happy.

Luhan heard their screams in their head and it tore his mind apart. He was truly on the brink of insanity and he knew that. He was loosing it and unsure of everything, he was paranoid and scared, but if he could see Sehun right now he would be a happy and healthy man. All the pain and madness was gone in the thought of Sehun.

A nurse saw Luhan wandering the hallways and walked to him. The nurse was a bit taller than Luhan and could easily take a hold of the man and stop him. Luhan cried and shook his head, tears dripping from his face and dropping on the floor. He looked at the man in the eyes and looked at pathetic as he could.

"Please... just let me see him... Just let me see him..."

"Sir, I'm taking you back to your room. You're obviously not doing well", he said, taking a hold of Luhan's arm and walking him back to the direction of his room. Luhan however, was hesitant to move the other way.

"N-no... Y-you can't take me away... I need to see him..."

"See who?"

"Oh Sehun. I know that he is here. We escaped together from a collapsing building. H-he's blind."

"Sir, I'm taking you back to your room and we can talk about it there, okay?"

Luhan didn't reply, he just looked at the ground and followed the man obediently. He was too weak to even say anything.

He sat down back on the bed in his room and the nurse put everything back to where it was. Luhan looked at him and shook his head again. The man didn't say anything before everything was right where it was before Luhan had left the room.

"You should lay down. You've been through a lot. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked as he sat on a chair before the bed. He looked at Luhan in the eyes and looked very understanding. Luhan could hardly say anything from the sobbing.

"W-we just... ran away... there was a portal... and a monster... and it... it took away Matt and Evelyn..."

"...Is this what happened before you got into the hospital?" Luhan nodded. "I suppose that with 'we' you mean you and... Oh Sehun?"

"Yes... Me and Sehun ran the stairs from the top floor and broke the glass and ran away before the building fell down."

The nurse nodded in understanding, but Luhan only wanted to see Sehun.

"C-can you take me to him? W-where is he?"

"...Sir, someone will be visiting you in a moment. She's going to ask you some questions, and you need to answer them. In the meantime I will go see where Oh Sehun is. Is that okay?"

Luhan shook his head. "I need to see him now. I can't... live without knowing where he is."

"I don't know where he is either. But I will go search right now, okay? I will come back as soon as I know where he is, okay?"

Luhan took a deep breath before finally nodding.

"Please hurry", he whispered and the nurse took off. Luhan's mind couldn't be at rest without knowing where Sehun was, without seeing him, without feeling his warm touch that had been the only solace in his messed up life, the notes he played the only salvation for his raging mind and racing heart. Yet Sehun knew nothing about how he felt when they were together and the monster was in Luhan's head.

He fiddled his thumbs while the tears dropped onto his lap. His mind couldn't be at rest. The minutes felt like eternity before he finally laid down and tried to close his eyes. All he could see however, was Sehun's crying face and the monster, and all he could hear was the noises the monster let out and Matt and Evelyn's screams.

There was no sleep to be had. Only shivering hands and hitching breath. He looked into every corner of the room, was he all alone? He couldn't bear being alone. He needed someone here immediately.

His wishes were fulfilled when a woman walked in, a black coat on her and long hair wet as she came from outside where it was raining. How long had it been?

"Hello, Luhan", she greeted with a bow as she walked into the room and sat on the chair before Luhan's bed. The man looked at her from head to toes, not sure what to think of the situation. "I am a private detective Bae Samantha from Los Angeles. It's nice to meet you."

Samantha took a book from the bag she was holding and handed it to Luhan. The latter looked at it from every angle before noticing the author's name. _Evelyn Alexeyev_. And the book's name was _How to Summon Monsters_.

"I-I don't understand", Luhan said with a teary voice as he looked up at the woman's blank face. "What is this about?"

"If you didn't catch the point, what Matt and Evelyn were doing was totally illegal. It violates basic human rights. I have been looking for the two for two years now. I have looked from all around The US but have not found them. Turns out that these names weren't their birth names that they use in all the official documents."

"...B-but... they're not here anymore..."

Samantha bit her lips and nodded a few times.

"Yeah, I figured. Their bodies were never found."

"Y-yeah cause they are not here."

She looked at him with squinted eyes. "Not here anymore? Do you know where they are?"

"I-I know where they are... but you have to promise to believe me", Luhan said while grasping the sheets. He wasn't sure if he should tell her the truth or not, would he end up in a mental asylum? "Y-you know... what they were doing?"

"I know that they were trying to open a portal into another dimension... kind of like trying to... prove that the monsters exist. And I know that both of them had pretty much knowledge about the matter."

"It's true. They did it", Luhan said with a quivering voice. "They summoned the monster through me... and... then they tried to kill me... and then they... they... it... opened up a portal into the other place... dark place... full of... screaming... monsters..."

Samantha looked at Luhan with concern in her eyes as she saw the other gasping for air and shivering. He hugged his knees to find some comfort from anything.

"Do you have anyone close to you that you would like to see? Someone to talk to? You don't seem to be okay."

Luhan couldn't keep all the emotions in anymore, he was so full of emotions! He felt so many things that he didn't even know what he felt! He couldn't stop crying but suddenly a wide smile crept up on his face and he couldn't stop crying and smiling at the same time!

The detective was a bit disturbed but she understood that he had gone through hell. Of course his mind would be torn apart.

What she didn't know was that everything that Luhan said was actually true.

"I love him", he whispered. "I love him a lot."

"You love who?" she asked but Luhan had already lost it. He started laughing silently. "Luhan, stay with me. Are you okay? Do you want to see him now? Would he know what to reply to these questions?"

"No! He doesn't know! He didn't and still doesn't! Because they never told him anything!" Luhan yelled at the detective who was really uncomfortable being in the same room with him anymore. He slowly rose his head to look at her in the eyes. "They didn't tell him anything that they did to me. They knew that inserting the radio frequencies of another dimension into my brain would attract the monster from there to share a mind with me. They tried to shock me to death but the chip broke, finally splitting me and the monster from each other."

Samantha looked at him with concern.

"Thank you, Luhan... You're being very... cooperative..."

"I don't think I have a choice", he replied silently. The detective nodded a bit before standing up. She took something from her bag. A small card with her contact info on it. Luhan didn't accept it though, he was busy hugging his knees. So Samantha left her card on the table next to the bed.

"You don't, you're right. Contact me when you're... feeling better. Mentally and physically. I still have more questions for you."

With those words she left the room. Luhan stopped smiling immediately and took the book in his hands. How to summon monsters... What was going on inside her head? Luhan promised to read it one day, but not now. Now he could only concentrate on the pain and Sehun. He needed to lie down and rest for a while.

The nurse came into the room with a small smile on his face. Luhan's eyes immediately flashed open when hearing the voice creak open.

"I have great news for you, sir. Your boyfriend is all well and was so happy to hear you're finally awake and will be here in no time." His voice was soft and gentle. Luhan blinked a few times slowly.

"Will someone help him to my room? He's blind." The man nodded his head a few times and was almost leaving the room when Luhan spoke up again. The nurse's words played in his mind. "Finally awake?"

"You were asleep for five days, sir."

Luhan's eyes narrowed. Five days? That is a lot... Sehun must have been worried. Was Luhan dead for that time? He doesn't remember anything. He doesn't even remember feeling his body. Now he can feel a lot of pain.

"Five... days? Then how did she... know... I woke up?" The nurse looked at Luhan with concern. He didn't really think of it before Luhan said it before either.

"Uhh... I'm not sure. Coincidence?"

"I don't believe in coincidence..."

"Okay... but... I'm going to wait for Oh Sehun at the front door, okay?"

"...Okay..."

Now the nurse left the room, and Luhan was left there with his disturbing thoughts. How did she know? He wanted an answer. He was anxious to know. He was anxious to even just breathe at the moment cause his thoughts were a mess.

***

20 minutes passed and Luhan still felt like dying. The anxiety had not eased at all, but he was less panicky. He looked at the book in his hands again. That book... haunted him.

The door opening snapped him from his thoughts. Seeing Sehun made him gasp immediately. He stood up and walked over to them, limping in pain. 

And he crushed him in a hug with tears streaming down his face. Sehun was a bit taken aback but he knew whose arms these were. He knew who it was holding him. He couldn't keep his tears in and hugged him back immediately. It pained him, it made him happy.

"I-I'm so so so sorry..." Luhan breathed out a muffled apology against Sehun's shoulder. "F-for everything..."

The nurse took this as his cue to leave. The two wouldn't move away from that spot in minutes. Luhan felt mentally a lot more at ease, and so did Sehun. He would have hugged the life out of him if he wasn't hanging on a thread.

Luhan finally let him go but kept his hand in his, to lead him to the bed with him. He held his stomach while Sehun just listened to his pained grunts and sobbing.

"Are you alright, honey?"

That... honey... melted Luhan's heart immediately and he wanted to cry even more. He clenched Sehun's hand and leaned on his shoulder, so emotionally drenched. He was always the stronger one, but Sehun knew now that they were both weak, in the bottom of a dark pit. He needed to help Luhan to stand... but how could he do that, when he was so weak himself? It was hard for him to trust Luhan anymore, even if he knew.

Luhan just wanted to hold Sehun in his arms and never let go. The time felt like it had stopped.

"...No... After everything that... I did to you..."

"...It's okay... You didn't know what you were doing", Sehun said in a silent voice. Luhan shook his head.

"I didn't know... most of the time... I had to keep him... restrained... and it was so exhausting... I had to hold him down... put him down..."

"Maybe... w-we should lie down... A-are you in pain?" Sehun suggested when pushing Luhan a bit further away and touching where the bed is. It seemed to be wide enough. He dragged himself on the bed and laid down on his side. Luhan just sat there and stared at him, before raising his feet on the bed and laying down on his side too. He just stared at Sehun and took his hand in his before tugging a strand of hair behind his ear.

Luhan took a deep shaky breath in before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on the younger one's forehead. Sehun couldn't keep himself from crying a river at this point. His heart ached and he wanted to be closer to his love that he thought he had lost. So Luhan pulled him closer and cuddled against him. Both of them crying in each other's embrace and chanting apologies for mistakes that other people did. Mistakes that other people did to them.

Tricks that they played on them... A play.

They were a part of these sick people's play.

Luhan felt his mind at ease with Sehun. He was craving for his touch, but now his heart felt like bursting again. And Sehun was his only salvation. 

 


End file.
